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In Moving Forward, my Handbook for the Divorced Individual, Claudia Black, Ph.D., helps us define some unhealthy boundaries, for dating and just in general, as well. You may be very surprised to see what constitutes a violation of a boundary. In any event, the following are signs of unhealthy boundaries and should be guarded against, particularly once back on the dating scene. While you may ask "But how does this list pertain to finding time to write?" Well, it's pretty simple. If we allow others to constantly interrupt our work or never allow us free time to write then isn't that a form of allowing others to describe your reality, too?
1. Telling all.
2. Talking at an intimate level on the first meeting
3. Falling in love with a new acquaintance.
4. Falling in love with anyone who reaches out.
5. Being overwhelmed by a person – preoccupied.
6. Acting on first sexual impulse.
7. Being sexual for partner, not self.
8. Going against personal value or rights to please others.
9. Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries.
10. Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.
11. Accepting food, gifts, touch, sex, that you don’t want.
12. Taking as much as you can for the sake of getting.
13. Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving.
14. Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you.
15. Letting others direct your life.
16. * Letting others describe your reality.
17. Letting others define you.
18. Believing others can anticipate your needs.
19. Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.
20. Falling apart so someone will take care of you.
21. Self abuse.
22. Sexual and Physical abuse.
23. Food abuse.
*Is prevalent in both controlling and abusive relationships.
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